Coffee Space


Going Forwards

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This is just a quick blog update to discuss some ongoing issues since I wrote an update about the New Year.


Conviction is an easy thing to have in theory, and when scenarios are abstracted away, perhaps in the outward context of another person’s life, they are much easier to hold. Unfortunately, when convictions are in relation to your personal life and directly affect you and that you hold dearly, they are much more difficult to hold.

Due to my family situation I have now lost contact with my sister. My sister has a daughter who just recently celebrated another birthday on this planet. Unfortunately, due to the serious actions of my sister and her complete disregard for the feelings of people I hold dearly, I am not on speaking terms with her. Given my refusal to be blackmailed with access to my niece, I have come to terms with the fact I will never be involved in her life.

Due to a related situation, I have also lost contact with my brother. My brother has betrayed mine and several people’s trust in a way that only somebody close could do. I’m not talking about some petty argument here, I am talking about such a serious sense of betrayal that if heard in a court room, he would most certainly receive a prison sentence. As he is my brother, he walks away with no legal or any real punishment, other than banishment.

I take no pleasure in this.


Wrath is sometimes easily conflated with violence or revenge. True wrath comes from a sense of morality and justice. I am on occasion angry, frustrated, upset, although rarely conveying these emotions.

One person in particular, and those that have aided them, will receive my attention. My attention is split and there is much I want to achieve in my life, but I will make an exception this one time.

My memory is long and unforgiving. They deserve punishment that future religious texts will write about. Their abuse towards me and continued abuse towards those around me, over a prolonged period of time, has warranted nothing short of wrath. Even if I wrote it here, you simply would not believe me. Not tomorrow, not in a month, not in a year, but at some random point throughout a lifetime, they will come to understand.


On a lighter note, I will push myself physically soon. The weather is poor, my health is poor, and I have no business doing so - but that is what makes the challenge more appealing.

Over the years I am somewhat known for pushing the limit on what is possible, both physically and mentally. Despite having poor health I was in a team that won a three day challenge amongst incredibly physically fit people. Another time I did a four day march despite being unfit.

I wouldn’t call myself smart, but I have also pushed the limits mentally too. At the age of 14 I saved up on a paper-round and begged my best friend’s mother to buy me a book: a beginner’s book on programming. By 15 had I written my own DOS-like operating system from scratch. Before the age of 16 I had contacted CERN about particle physics and got banned from the school network for hacking.

What I have learned and accepted is that there is nothing particularly noteworthy of me. I did inherit just one important trait, one that is rare and to date not replicated: perseverance.

I have a fire within me that is not easily extinguished, that if correctly directed, could change the world.


There was a range of emotion there, but it had to be conveyed somewhere because I don’t outwardly express how I feel about such things.