Coffee Space

Commonalities

These are some things I’ve observed, but of course I’m not an expert by any measure in this subject:

• Typically these people don’t want to or feel able to reach out to people around them. Often they would prefer to speak to somebody on the internet rather than somebody in person. I can’t say exactly why this is the case, but I suspect it’s something to do with the degree of separation and consequences - worst case they just stop talking to you.
• Often these people have some behaviour that means they are socially isolated. During this pandemic there is of course tonnes of isolation, but I’ve found most of these people would normally get the majority of their social interactions from places of work, study, etc. They don’t seem to deliberately arrange to meet up with people with the goal of just socialising.
• A feeling of hopelessness, lack of control or opportunity. Their current situation seems as if will not end.
• It’s not 24/7, it seems to come in waves. For a few weeks they are fine, and then they’ll get some period of time where this negative mental state becomes prominent. Looking at it from the outside, you can almost convince yourself that they are okay when you see the positive moments, but these seem to only be a temporary patch.

There are maybe others, but these ones stick out in my mind at the time of writing.

Advice

My general non-expert advice is basically the opposite:

• Mentor – Get them to find a “real life” person to speak to, i.e. somebody that can actually check up on them. For those in religious Countries I’ve also advised they find somebody that isn’t a member of their Church - you can’t pray depression away and in most religions such thoughts are heavily demonised.
• Sleep – Most of them get very little sleep, which creates a vicious cycle. It’s important to switch off and get at least 8 hours sleep. Turning off phones and computers at a certain hours can be a big help in achieving this.
• Exercise – Many of them simply do zero to no exercise. It can be a very quick win to get the brain pumping positive chemicals after just a small amount of exercise. (It also makes people more tired at night, helping the sleep problem.)
• Diet – Many of them eat badly - if you’re not getting a balanced diet even something like an iron deficiency (that many people have) could leave you feeling depleted. Getting some vitamins and nutritious food in can be another quick win.
• Social hobby – This is probably the hardest, but equally most useful. Creating a network of people around you that you see regularly, that you share thoughts and ideas with, that give you responsibilities within the community - these are all important things.

Some of this we could all benefit from in general!

Forwards

It’s really not clear how to solve the mental health crisis, but it is certainly a crisis. I don’t understand why it doesn’t get more visibility, is it because it’s not politically contentious? Is it because people don’t take it seriously? Is it because it doesn’t affect enough people? From a greater societal perspective, spending resource on raising these people to adulthood, only to have them commit suicide is not beneficial.

I’m yet to hear of the Left and Liberal perspectives, but I’ve heard a compelling Conservative argument on this. Essentially it was argued that young people are having children and starting families later (if at all), an act that gives meaning and responsibilities to people whom otherwise live with their parents and work at jobs saving money for a future that is yet to be realised. It would certainly overlap with the feeling of ‘hopelessness’ that has been told to me.

I feel that one thing the Conservatives do get right is their emphasis on the importance of strong family structures - we know for example that children raised by two parents rather than one (any gender) are more likely to be successful. A friend once said: “nothing motivates you more to study than having a family depending on you”.